Reclaiming Exercise
Diet culture has had the upper hand in movement for too long
I hate exercise. Or, at least, I’ve hated exercise as long as I can remember. As a child, I was put into extracurricular activities—softball, gymnastics, cheerleading—with the express intent to make my body smaller.
Pain has always existed for me. From my earliest memories, my feet have hurt me. Badly. Even walking a mile, I will have severe foot pain. So you can imagine that all the forced exercise caused me pain. I remember hobbling to my mom’s van after cheerleading practice, in so much pain. Doctors just said, “Lose weight and your feet will stop hurting. Oh, and your knock knees will straighten out.” They couldn’t see the relationship between pain and exercise as anything other than my fault.
I tried everything. Rolling my feet on frozen water bottles. Loading up on ibuprofen before physical activity. The only thing that worked was swimming. I loved to swim, but I didn’t have access to a pool on a regular basis, so I felt defeated.
In my 30s, I discovered fat acceptance. It was a revelation! What do you mean I didn’t owe anyone thinness or even health? I started writing and posting about fat acceptance, becoming quite the advocate. Still, I remember being so uncomfortable with the word “fat” that I called myself a “size-dignity activist.”
On my fat acceptance journey, I gave up dieting, and I also gave up exercising. All exercise had ever been was punishment. And I was learning these mind-blowing truths that I didn’t have to punish my body into conformity. I could love and accept her just as she was.
After 10 years of rejecting diet culture, I’m ready to embrace exercise again, but this time—on my terms, not on diet culture’s. The past few months have seen an increase in a desire to move from deep inside me. If my feet didn’t hurt, I would be a dancer. So when I learned about the benefits of a mini-trampoline on building stability and core strength, I decided to give bouncing a try. It’s very gentle on my feet, and I only do it for a few minutes a day at this point.
This is the mini trampoline that my mother-in-law got me for Christmas:
It’s a heavy-duty trampoline with a support bar and a weight limit of 440 lbs, which is perfect for me.
But here’s the (chub) rub: diet culture’s exercise narrative still lives inside my mind. I’ve been struggling with emotions about making sure I exercise every day. Making sure I’m actually getting my heart rate up high enough to “count.” Making sure I have visible results (aka weight loss…).
So here is what I’m reminding myself every day regarding my bouncing endeavor.
A missed day is no big deal. Diet culture says I have to bounce every day or I’m a failure. But that’s not true!
My goal is not to lose weight. Diet culture says I have to want to lose weight. But I’m acknowledging this pressure while maintaining my real goals, which are stability and core strength.
The point is to have fun! Diet culture says that exercise has to be productive. But I find bouncing fun, no matter what results I do or don’t see.
How are you reclaiming exercise? I’d love to hear your strategies and tips from your own experiences!
Peace to you,
Amanda Martinez Beck
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I had the same experience, but it was any time I was on my feet. At first, it was blamed on my flat feet. Once I got supportive shoes, I still didn't like being on my feet. Even with a diagnosis of classical Ehlers-Danlos at the age of 7, my parents didn't put together that my dislike of exercise and moving would have anything to do with my "soft skin" and "extra flexible joints"--it was the early 90s so we didn't have as much info about EDS as we do now, so pain wasn't on anyone's radar. I now see that when I finished a chore quickly so I could sit down or only did 10 minutes of a 20 minute workout, it was because my feet hurt from my whole body being put together wrong. It wasn't because I was lazy which was my mother's rationale. I'm now in my 40s and mobility impaired, and I can't stop thinking of myself as lazy, especially on days when I don't move a lot due to pain.
Omg same exact sports I was put in as a child! I hated it, I was terrible and it physically hurt. I also felt like I had to do it - to prove I was a “good” fatty trying to be thin. I love to swim and really want to find a way to be at a pool more.