Fat Hospitality

Making room for everyone

Welcome. It’s an interesting word. Literally made up of two— “well” and “come.” If you welcome someone, you’re saying you’re glad they’re here.

What does that mean for fatness?

So often as a fat woman, I walk into spaces that are not welcoming for me. Whether it be offering chairs with arms too small for my hips, selling clothing that was never meant for a body like mine, or even if it’s just vibes, there is so much hostility in this world for fat bodies.

I’m not complaining about that, even though I could. I’m pointing it out in hopes that people can see the way our structures, marketplace, and even our furniture exclude fat bodies.

To be welcoming to fat bodies, ask yourself these questions:

1. Is a fat body able to access what I’m offering?

2. Is a fat body comfortable when accessing what I’m offering?

3. Is a fat body free to access what I’m offering without judgment?

Let’s talk about some concrete examples:

At the movies:
Am I able to access what is offered? Yes, I’m able, because the armrests of the seats are moveable.
Am I comfortable? No.
Am I free from judgment? Possibly. Depends on who is in the specific movie theater.

On a plane:
Am I able to access what is offered? Sometimes. It depends on the airline policy toward customers of size. Southwest, for example, has a policy where large customers can reserve a second seat at no charge, to make sure they fit without a problem. I’m flying American this month, so I’ll let you know how that goes.
Am I comfortable? Probably not.
Am I free from judgment? Probably not…have you ever had someone groan when they saw they were sitting next to you, a fat person?

In a classroom:
Am I able to access what is offered? Depends on the seating of the classroom.
Am I comfortable? Depends on the seating.
Am I free from judgment? Depends on the class and the professor.

In a friend’s home:
Am I able to access what is offered? Depends on the seating available. Couches are a pretty good bet, though.
Am I comfortable? Most of the time!
Am I free from judgment? I hope so, if I consider this a close friend.

I’m really pleased that I am fat and aware of how an environment can be hospitable or not based on someone’s physical presence. That’s part of what I call fat privilege: the ability to see what people on the margins need due to my existence at the margins. I am privileged by my fat existence to offer to others what has so often been denied to me. I’m thankful for that, even while I wish more people were aware.

How can you offer fat hospitality?
If you are fat, make a list of places you have felt uncomfortable, and then list the things you would have changed about those situations. Make whatever changes you can in your life—at home, at work, at your place of worship—to make sure that fat people feel like you feel included.

If you aren’t fat, have a conversation with one of your openly fat friends. I say ‘openly fat’—by that, I mean someone who embraces their identity as a larger person. Ask how comfortable your home is or your place of worship or office. Asking for specifics is a good way to start. But seating, adequate clothing options, and a judgment-free zone are things you can start with.

Remember, if you’re on the journey to body liberation and need extra support, paid subscribers to The Fat Dispatch receive this free weekly post and a special post called No-Zempic Mondays, your weekly injection of resistance against the GLP-1 empire that wants us to lose weight at any cost.

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To fat hospitality, friends!

-Amanda Martinez Beck