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Silent in Church's avatar

Who was triggered? That person seemed VERY triggered by your simple existence. I love you friend- you are amazing and phenomenal and I am so glad you and your body exist on this earth. ❤️❤️❤️

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

Thank you so much ❤️

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Jennifer Moe's avatar

Say it louder! ITS NOT A MORAL FAILURE TO BE DISABLED!! Ugh. Great article, as always. ❤️

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

Thanks, friend 😍

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Kitty's avatar

I started following you because I have two daughters- one thin, one fat. Raised in the same house, by the same parents, and one is a size 2, the other a 22. Both amazing girls, both equally worthy and beautiful. One is considered “healthy”, the other is not (ironically, the thin one is disabled)I know my older daughter thinks she’s less beautiful than her sister, and that sucks. I know how that feels, I was “the fat sister” growing up. My mother was obsessed with my weight. I wasn’t even fat, my mom and sister were just 5 inches shorter than me and teeny tiny. I know some of my own insecurities have affected them, and I want to do better. You’re doing good work, keep it up!

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

Thank you so much, Kitty. I have kids of varying sizes, too, so I know how it goes! Glad we have connected.

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Debbie Campbell's avatar

Incredible, as always! Thank you for what you write. I have never heard the concept of our bodies purpose being connection/relationship before reading your work, and it is lighting up my brain! Holding space for the frustration/pain/however you might feel when you get these sorts of awful messages. Also, THEY WROTE ABOUT YOUR KIDS?! Oh, heck no!!! Grateful for you! :)

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

Thank you, Debbie!

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Mary Austin (she/her)'s avatar

Ugh. Lovely writing, and I’m so sorry these people take up any space at all in your brain.

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

Thank you, Mary.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Great post. I’m in the middle of all of these question. Disordered eating for most of my life, fat, and tired of the race to “measure up.” I’m so tired of the push-pull. The skinny is better bullshit. I’ve been anorexically skinny. I wasn’t happier. I was just skinnier. The people who speak to you the way they do are the ones who are triggered. So much projected self-hatred in these issues. It’s fascinating that so many people spend so much time minding other people’s business instead of their own. I write about this, too, on my stack. I’m fat. I may always be fat. I’m getting more and more okay with that as each day goes by…but there’s always (still) a tug to lose weight. I’ve been rigidly programmed by this culture that says that the only worthwhile, desirable women are the ones with the bodies of little girls. I’ll pass on that, thank you very much. Thanks for this, Amanda. Glad I found you! xo

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

Nan, I’m so glad we have found each other! I just subscribed to your stack! Thank you for your comment and your honesty. Yes, there is always the tug—sometimes weak and sometimes strong—to lose weight. I have found happiness as a fat person!

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Yay! I'm glad too. It's good stuff, this questioning and challenging so-called "norms" that harm. Love it. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

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Martimus Maximass's avatar

i wrote a poem about my body the other day that was partially inspired by what you have said about bodies being for the purpose of relationship. that, and also inspired by Shoog's (awesome queer fat person in Florida) artistic connection between bodies and nature/landscapes/skyscapes.

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

I love this! Will you be making it public, and if so, where can I read it??

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Martimus Maximass's avatar

thanks for the interest, but probably gonna keep it private for now 💕

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Jill Lahnstein's avatar

Same sh—t from these folks, different day. I support the rights of people to treat and think about their own bodies in any way they see fit; however, they need to stop trying to impose their ideas on everyone. I know from personal experience just how cutting those comments are. So sorry you are on the receiving end.

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Anne Girouard's avatar

I work with a lot of people who are open to the idea that all bodies are good bodies. In fact, I learned about the ideas of things like HAES and Intuitive Eating from the fine folks who surround me everyday. And so, even after years of immersion in diet culture, I forget that the world is not so open or respectful to bodies that do not fall within a certain "norm." Thank you for speaking out and calling out these people who would dare to speak to you like that. We all need to know that we're not the only ones experiencing it and that it is NEVER OK when it happens.

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

Yes! I write to know I’m not alone! (I forget who said that first—definitely wasn’t me, lol…)

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Olivia Muenter's avatar

I was angry for you and then I got to the part about your kids. Wow. I am ready to fight!!!! People's hate and ignorance and cruelty really has no limits. It disgusts me. I'm so sorry you went through this.

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Anndrah's avatar

I've been watching "My 600 Pound Life" for years. That 1200 cal diet is the pre-surgery diet to get the patients down to a lighter weight because Dr. Now won't operate if they're above a certain weight. Once he operates, the patients will invariably eat over 1,200 calories, but still within a range to continue weight loss. These patients are at a life threatening weight and many struggle just with basic things like showering. These are real patients who get their life back when they go from 650 to 350 or 250. They're able to drive again, take their kids to the park, walk around their home without stopping every 10 steps to catch their breath. Of COURSE TLC is driven by $$$, but that doesn't mean these patients' struggles aren't real or that Dr. Now's surgery isn't legit. Many are now able to foresee a future of having kids, for instance, or going back to school, or even walking their dog for the first time in years, wherease pre-surg, they were so big they could only spend all day in bed alternating with a couch. You may want to watch a few episodes before critiquing.

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

Recommended caloric intake post surgery (6 months and beyond) is still 900-1000. For the rest of their lives. That’s starvation.

https://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/dietary-guidelines-after-bariatric-surgery

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Jill Lahnstein's avatar

I feel hungry just hearing that! No joke.

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Anndrah's avatar

It is not 900-1000 for the life remainder. I've seen every episode. It may be 900-1000 only for the first few weeks post-surgery because solid food would stress the internal sutures. But eventually, many of these patients (I've also followed patients on other bariatric reality shows) resume eating "normal," but a scaled-down version of their pre-surgerical habits. Because it's scaled down (the surgery makes them feel full with less food), they continue losing weight. Do they get thin? No. But that's never the goal.

For instance, Vannessa from "1,000 Pound Best Friends" is at 180 pounds, which is far from thin. But she got her life back and her obesity related illnesses and mobility impairments were eliminated. She'll probably never get below 180 pounds (starting weight was around 500), but that's okay; 180 is okay for her. She can now do all the things that she was never able to do pre-surgery. She eats way more than 1200 cals to maintain 180 pounds. If bariatric surgery patients STAYED on 1200 or especially 1000 cals a day, they'd get stick thin. But they don't. Instead they lose 100 to 300 or so pounds and maintain at that point by eating sensibly, rather than starvingly.

Yes, there's a fatality rate involved (but it's very small), but there's a fatality rate involved just driving to and from work, too. Life is full of risks. These patients have eliminated one of their risks: super morbid obesity. They may still die in a car accident driving to the gym, but so can a thin person. If these patients are now able to play with their kids at the park and walk their dog for the first time in five years, who are WE to condemn that fact that they intentionally lost weight through surgery?

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Jill Lahnstein's avatar

I have watched that show with much fascination. What you assert is true. However, the portrayal of the patients is highly exploitative and sensationalistic—as evidenced by the shower and bathroom scenes. The good they may intend in erased by the exploitation—in my opinion.

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Amanda Martinez Beck's avatar

Jill, I agree.

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Olivia Muenter's avatar

Yes. Also, I really struggle to name even one other reality show which films confessionals from below the interviewee (aka to make them look as large and looming/monstrous as possible). It's dehumanizing and cruel and also... completely unnecessary?

I say this as someone who has watched many eps of this show over the years.

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Anndrah's avatar

I agree here. I think it's ridiculous that they film from below. We already know they're of size. But this filming technique does not invalidate that fact that going from 600 lbs to 350 lbs via surgery literally returns life to these patients. Many also get in the 200s. They never get thin, which is a misconception. That's not the goal. The goal is to restore health, and that can be done without getting skinny.

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Jill Lahnstein's avatar

Good point.

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Anndrah's avatar

My understanding is that the shower scenes are favored by the patient to dispel the myth that very obese people don't shower enough or have body odor. It's also to show how difficult basic hygeine practices are when one is 600 lbs. You can call it exploitative, but TLC pays for the surgery.

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Jill Lahnstein's avatar

Interesting. Wonder if they are given a choice to participate in the shower scenes or not. To me, it feels sensationalistic and disrespectful—even if that is unintended. The service the patients are provided for free is earning dollars for everyone else on the screen. I admire the folks who reach out for help and I recognize their courage.

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Kitty's avatar

I wonder that too. I’d feel better about it if they had the choice what was shown. I get showing their struggles, but I hope they aren’t coerced into doing things they aren’t comfortable with. They shouldn’t feel embarrassed for having mobility issues or struggling with hygiene, but it does seem like the show is trying to make them into a sideshow.

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