Fat Hate Mail

This comes with a content warning

Content warning: This post contains anti-fat and ableist messaging that I have received recently. Proceed with caution.

Well, it’s been a nice run. I’m not going anywhere, but for the past two years, I’ve largely (pun always intended) avoided nasty comments and hate mail from people who disagree vehemently with me. It corresponds to the season of time I was in grad school, not posting a lot of content.

But now I’m back from outer space, posting and reveling in my body in a public way. And so the comments and hate mail have resumed. Even though my detractors have hidden their love letters behind obscure email addresses and accounts, I wanted to share my most recent hate mail and respond publicly. So here we go! (These are the most salient, awfullest excerpts, FYI. There’s plenty more to share but for time’s sake, I’ll resist.)

OMG, you are the LAST person who should be giving ANYone any kind of life or body advice, being that all it takes is one person to make a single comment to you about your weight, and you become totally triggered to the moon.

This is from 'fitwrite at juno/aol/some obsolete sender.com’ and it comes with many pearls of wisdom. Pardon me, as I’m currently triggered to the moon.

You are NOT healed. You have given up. Do not confuse the two.

Sigh. You got me. I have given up…given up the harms of diet culture, the structure in our society that insists I stay quiet and fat or that I try to lose weight at my own mental and physical harm.

This reminds me of the affirming quote: “It’s not letting myself go, it’s letting myself be.” Of course I have given up diet culture. Because when the curtains are pulled back, it’s a self-flagellating wizard trying to conjure up magic to make everyone small and “healthy.” Never mind the eating disorders he has inspired. Never mind the physical harms of weight cycling. We are supposed to ignore all that because “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” Right.

Your narrative is ridiculous, like the time you posted that doctors want to "starve" you. Not a single doctor believes that any patient should starve themselves. Even Dr. Nowzaradan's 700 lb patients are advised to eat 1,200 calories a day.

First, I had to look up who Dr. Nowzaradan was, and let me tell you…I’m not impressed. He participates in the show My 600-lb Life as a bariatric surgeon, which does not commend him to me. Know your audience, hate mailer. TLC is a farce of a network that exploits people’s weaknesses with hopes of a changed life or money…like mentioning him would hold water with me? “Even he advises his patients to eat 1,200 calories a day”—implying that this amount is not starving his patients? 1,200 calories is the caloric intake of a toddler, not a grown-ass adult. Are you even serious?

And diets DO work. It's the PERSON who fails.

Wow. The diet culture mantras are strong with this one. Tell me more about how 95% of diets fail and our nation is comprised of “lazy” people…who try their hardest to not be fat…You really don’t get it. You’re clinging to individual responsibility when health is a conglomeration of systemic issues, not limited to adequate and accessible health care, food sources, and exercise opportunities. Diets DON’T work. It’s the SYSTEM that fails.

One last word from “fitwrite”—

Why do you need a Rollator? I bet you have sleep apnea too.

Ableism much? First of all, if my body needs a rollator, why not use one? There is no shame in using accessibility aids. It’s not a moral failure to be disabled. Secondly, I did need a rollator for a while, but I don’t anymore. Nor do I need the oxygen that once saved my life. Because my body—still fat—has healed in so many ways visible and invisible, all while not pursuing intentional weight loss. Your narrative is the one that is flawed, my dude. And yes, I do have sleep apnea, partially because it runs in my family no matter how fat or skinny someone is.

It’s true—I can pursue health no matter my size. But it’s equally true that health is not the end-all, be-all for me. Relationships are. You see, “fitwrite”, you and I fundamentally disagree about the purpose of the human body. You’re committed to the concept of health (aka thinness for so many people, probably you, too) as the purpose of the human body, and I get it—for a long time, I was, too. But my disability and my fatness have given me a great gift in showing me that I can still live a full and meaningful life with my body just as it is, in relationship with myself, with others, and with the Divine. The purpose of my body isn’t thinness or even health, it’s relationship.

Another note about “fitwrite”—in their email, they go after my kids and their body sizes, which is, frankly, gross. I’ll write more about that soon.

Sigh. I’m tired. And no, not because I’m fat, but because humans are allowed to be freaking tired of all the diet culture bullsh*t.

Don’t forget that on Monday, I start my No-Zempic Mondays installment for paid subscribers. It’s your weekly injection of resistance if you need support against the world at large or your doctor or your family as to why you won’t take GLP-1s for weight loss.

Peace to you,

Amanda Martinez Beck

P.S. You can buy my books here.